Ruth 3:12-14. Now it is true that I am a close relative; however, there is a relative closer than I. Stay this night, and in the morning it shall be that if he will perform the duty of a close relative for you—good; let him do it. But if he does not want to perform the duty for you, then I will perform the duty for you, as the LORD lives! Lie down until morning. So she lay at his feet until morning, and she arose before one could recognize another”. Then he said, "Do not let it be known that the woman came to the threshing floor."
So, we want to set the stage and the scenery for this conversation we’ve been brought into, in this passage of the Book of Ruth… Boaz and Ruth are, no doubt, having this conversation at a whisper, in order to keep from waking any of the men who were down at the threshing floor with Boaz that night… And I’m sure that Ruth is shaking like a leaf at this point, because she is probably realizing the depth of the situation she has gotten herself into by embarking on this late-night rendezvous in the first place… Ruth is probably realizing that she has no business down at the threshing floor with all these guys around, in the middle of the night … And we have already established that Ruth might not have had very many clothes on, because that was Naomi’s idea of how this meeting was supposed to go down…
So, Ruth has crawled under Boaz’ blanket, and she is probably more than a little cold and frightened… And Boaz is trying to reassure Ruth that everything is going to be okay… So, Boaz says to Ruth, “Look, it’s all going to be fine; we’re going to get you taken care of tomorrow…” And Boaz goes on to say, “If I don’t marry you and redeem you tomorrow, there’s another guy in town who will marry you and take care of you”… Now, Ruth is probably more than a little underwhelmed by the total businesslike attitude that Mr Boaz is ascribing to this love relationship... And, Boaz is trying to calm Ruth down because, you know, when you are scared, cold and upset like Ruth probably was, it’s not always easy to keep your voice down to a whisper…
And Boaz could not afford to have anyone know there was a woman down there at the threshing floor… Because, that would be damaging to his reputation and it would be damaging to Ruth’s reputation as well… And Boaz also couldn’t send Ruth back to town in the middle of the night either, because this was dangerous country… So, here in this short passage, Boaz is taking responsibility as a godly man, for Ruth’s emotions, her purity, her reputation, her safety and her complete future… And Bo is doing all of this even though no part of this meeting was his idea… Boaz just woke up to find Ruth in his bed that night… And I think that makes Mr. Boaz a quality guy… He may not have been the most romantic guy in the world, but he was a quality guy... So ladies, you would do well to pick a quality man over a romantic one... And men, once you pick a quality woman and decide to love her, a little romance won't kill you...
But, moving back up a verse or two in this passage… I think we’re seeing Boaz getting a little exasperated over Ruth’s unwillingness to be quiet in this particularly delicate situation, because Boaz finally swears to Ruth in the name of the Lord… And Boaz says, “Look Ruth, please calm down, it’s really going to be okay… As the Lord lives, I will take care of this marriage thing tomorrow, so please lie down until morning”… And I’m reading that phrasing into this, because I can’t think of another reason why Boaz would have sworn to the Lord that he was going take care of something, unless the person he was swearing to was having trouble taking his word for what he was saying; or the person was having a little trouble with the concept of what he was saying…
And, you can imagine that Ruth would certainly have been half-shouting at this point in the conversation… And she might have been saying, “Another guy! What do you mean, another guy might marry me? Bo, I don’t want another guy... I came down here to be with you... I’m in love with you! I’m not going to marry some guy I don’t even know... I’ll starve to death first!”… And, you can really see that conversation taking place, can’t you? And Ruth was laying at Bo's feet, so she was probably pounding on his big, dirty, man toes for emphasis... See again, Ruth was from Moab… And Ruth was not fully up to speed on every nuance of Hebrew culture… And Ruth probably didn’t care that much about Hebrew culture right at this very minute… More than likely, at this moment Ruth just knew she was in love with Boaz… And on that night, in that place, Ruth just wanted to be with her man… And ladies, I’m sure many of you have found yourselves in similar situations to this one, even if you didn't wind up pounding on the guy's toes…
And even though Ruth was a high quality woman; we really don’t know everything about Ruth’s cultural concept of sexual purity… For all we know, the Moabite culture could have been much like the culture we live in today… And we live in a culture today, where even a strong moral woman who wouldn’t dream of having a one night stand with a man she’d just met; would certainly give herself over sexually to a man she has fallen in love with; even if that sexual union fell outside of a marriage commitment… So, we want to assume every good and pure thing regarding Ruth’s motives for her little journey out to her man’s place that night; but we really don’t know whether romantic sex wasn’t part of her agenda… And, it well might have been part of Ruth's agenda… So ladies, again; I want to encourage you to be careful with your hearts… Because, when you allow your heart to fall for a man... Your body is usually not far behind… And, trust me ladies, a less-than-quality man knows this very, very well… And, I’ve said before, there are men who will say and do all the right things just for the pure thrill of having you fall for them…
But, I want to say again, Boaz is absolutely the Biblical model of a quality single guy… But we also need to see that Boaz at this point, didn’t know he was writing the Bible with his very actions and attitudes on that potentially steamy night in ancient Jerusalem… Boaz certainly could have said, in his flesh, “Oh you know, I don’t really have to do the right thing, and marry this young, foreign woman tomorrow… And I don’t really have to spend a bunch of money to provide an inheritance and a retirement program for this foreign girl’s mother in law… (Because, that was the role of “Kinsman Redeemer” in ancient Israel; it was to buy back the land which was previously sold or abandoned by a family member, in order to provide an ongoing inheritance for the family, in Israel… And that could be an expensive process, indeed.)
And you know, Boaz absolutely could have thought to himself, “Listen, I’m a rich, important guy; and there are plenty of women out there for me to take advantage of… And here’s this beautiful young woman who has come down here to lie in my bed… Why don’t I just “pick the low hanging fruit?”… “Why don’t I just have some sex with this young girl and then just leave her and her crafty mother-in-law, to take care of their own future inheritance?”… And, I wonder how many of the men in the audience would have done just that, given the same set of circumstances… And, I wish I could say that I had always acted as responsibly as Boaz did, in each of my encounters with women as a single man… I’m sure most men feel that way… And, I hope that Boaz’ example will cause some men to view their godly responsibility to women a little differently, going forward…
Because, even though Mr. Boaz was probably not so different from many of us in this culture, who have had a few relationships in life… Mr. Boaz was a man who prepared in his life; and he purposed in his heart; that he would not sin against his God… And men, that is really what it takes, to prepare for the unexpected circumstances of life… Because, Boaz really didn’t expect to wake up that night, to find a soft young woman in his bed… So Boaz really didn’t have a lot of time to prepare, right at that moment, to do the right thing… Boaz had to have already been prepared and purposed in his heart to do the correct thing, way before this event ever happened… And, all of us know; that kind of “Purposing of the heart” requires daily maintenance in the Word, and it requires daily maintenance in prayer…
So, Boaz was prepared to do the right thing in an unexpected situation; even when the natural thing for a man to do; would have been to draw this woman close and make love to her… But, in this instance, Boaz said within himself, “No, I have given my life to the service of a holy and pure God… Therefore, I am simply not free to follow the desires of my flesh, regarding this woman… Boaz said, “I know the Bible has very specific instructions regarding my sexual conduct… The Bible says, this is how it’s done, so this is how I’m going to do it”…
But, this story goes much, much deeper than just Boaz simply refraining from having sex with this young Moabite woman on that warm summer night in the outskirts of Jerusalem… Because, when Boaz agreed that night, to become the Kinsman Redeemer for Ruth; Boaz certainly knew that agreement would come at a very, very significant cost to him… So, even though I don’t believe it was a very wise move for Ruth to come to Boaz the way she did that night; it is still very important for us to establish that; this woman named Ruth was absolutely not a “Cheap date”; because, deciding to love Ruth required of Boaz, a very sizeable investment…
And, that’s why this agreement, which was entered between Boaz and Ruth that night, is so significant… It’s significant because Boaz totally didn’t have to make the agreement at all… See, it was one thing for Boaz to maintain sexual purity with Ruth for the night… It was quite another thing, for Boaz to agree to invest his time and his personal fortune, in the total redemption and long-term intimate care of this woman named Ruth… And, we also know that, the Lord Jesus didn’t have to pay the enormous cost to redeem us; and to commit to our intimate care as well… But He did… And that’s why Boaz is recognized in the Bible, as a picture of Christ…
But, we want to bring this discussion back to Ruth… See, Ruth had a personal price… Again, Ruth was not a cheap date… And, in saying that, I don’t mean that Ruth wasn’t willing to have a good time if someone wasn’t spending a lot of money on her; because that just isn’t an attractive trait in anyone… When I say that Ruth wasn’t cheap, I’m simply saying that Ruth had already established within herself, the price a man would have to pay, in order to have her… See, Ruth had already established the quality and conviction a man would have to possess, in order to gain the right to have intimate control of her heart…
And we know that Ruth had already set the price of her heart to exclude immature men, because Boaz took notice in the previous verse, that Ruth; “Did not pursue young men, whether rich or poor”… And it’s also important to mention, that Boaz was a quality guy to the extreme; and Boaz said that Ruth’s decision to exclude low quality men was a large part of his attraction to her… So ladies, I guess that means, that having good boundaries and a certain amount of exclusiveness in your life toward immature men, doesn’t make you haughty or proud; it makes you smart, and it also makes you more attractive to the kind of man you’re really looking for…
So, that leads me to a few questions… Ladies, what is your price? What is the value of your heart? Have you established the cost a man would have to pay; and the qualities a man would have to possess, in order to have you?... And ladies, I hope you know, the time for you to establish the cost of your heart, is before you go shopping for a man… Because, if you set your price too low; if you establish your price, at a cost just anyone can afford; then just anyone will have you… And, once you’ve started a relationship and given your heart to a man; it is way, way too difficult for you to extricate your heart from that relationship, when you realize you’ve set your price too low, and you’ve gotten a poor-quality man… And ladies, I hope you know; there’s never a big rush to pick a man anyway; because, the price and value you’ve set for your heart will go up, as you grow in the Lord… So, as you climb the steps of personal growth in your life,
the places you will find yourself shopping for a man; and the quality of man you are determined to have, will change for the better…
See ladies, it’s like you’ve entered a high-rise shopping mall… And this mall has about a hundred floors; and it doesn’t have an elevator… So, it will take some investment in time, effort and diligence, for you to climb the stairs in this mall… Now, the bottom floor of this mall contains a Dollar Store… And, the top floor of this mall has a Nieman-Marcus store… And, in between those stores, as you climb up the floors, you will find a K Mart; a Wal Mart; a J.C. Penny, etc, etc… And, there’s probably a Banana Republic store and maybe an Abercrombie & Fitch, for the young and stylish ones; and there might be a J. Crew for the preppy ones… There might be an REI and an Eddie Bauer for the sports-minded individuals; and there also might be a Men’s Big and Tall store… But, you get the message… The quality of the merchandise increases as you climb the stairs to the higher floors… And, each floor has a landing; and the store on that floor has a door that you must open before you go shopping… So you will open the door and shop for a man, at the place you decide to quit climbing the steps… And, you might have opened the door on the ground floor, and shopped for a man at the Dollar Store a few times in your life… But, I would suggest that you climb to the top floors this time, before you open the doors to shop for a man…
So, to draw some conclusions to this story… Boaz said to himself, “I can see this woman has a high price, but I’ve also seen that she’s worth the cost, so I’ll pay the price to bond with her correctly”... So men, I hope you will determine to have quality relationships with your sisters in Christ… And ladies, I hope you will establish a very high price for your hearts, and I hope you will quit making excuses for the behaviors of immature men… Now, I know that good men and women are hard to find… But there are only two decisions which will totally change your future… One decision is whether or not you’ve accepted the grace and forgiveness of Jesus Christ… And, if you haven’t done that, I hope you will… And the other decision is whom you choose to marry… And, if we haven’t made the best decisions in the past, I hope we’ll take the time to get it right if another marriage choice comes down the pike…
Well, this was a very long blog… And, we only have two verses left in our study of the Book of Ruth… I hope you’ve found it worthwhile… And we appreciate your comments…
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( 3.1 / 9 )
Ruth 3:10 Then he said, "Blessed are you of the LORD, my daughter! For you have shown more kindness at the end than at the beginning, in that you did not go after young men, whether poor or rich.
So, in examining this, and the next verse, we will find ourselves speaking mostly to Christian women… But, I think there are some nuggets of truth in here for every single Christian adult, regarding the nature of quality relationships which not very many people are talking about… So, I hope you'll find this discussion to be useful and worthwhile... And, whether you agree or disagree, I'd really like to hear your comments...
In this verse, Boaz said to Ruth, in effect… “I have noticed your quality”… “I have seen you are a woman of kindness and strong character”… And Boaz also said to Ruth, “I’ve watched you over the course of time; and I’ve seen that you have conducted yourself in confidence and grace, in the sight of everyone”… And Bo goes on to say, “Ruth, I know your history; I know you’ve suffered some loss… And I know you could have become frivolous and loose in your relationships… But, I’ve seen you haven’t done that… I’ve seen that you’ve refused to chase young, or immature men, whether they might be rich or poor”…
So, I want to briefly restate something we spoke upon at greater length, earlier in this book... Because, it has come up again, and I think it bears a little bit of repetition... Folks, you really must understand that; your history is following you in every decision you make regarding your relationships with the opposite sex… And you might, in a weak moment, follow a choice with a less-than-quality individual to a less-than-pure conclusion… And, you might truly believe that; after the dust has settled on your bad relationship decision; no one should care about your past; because, no one was affected by your lapse in judgment, except you and the other person… But, that simply isn’t true... Because, if you ever find yourself in a relationship with a quality person; that person will want to look very closely at your history… See, a person who has done the necessary homework in his or her life; will want to know if you have done the necessary homework in your life, before he or she would be willing to make a life-long investment in you… And, I hope you would also want to do the same kind of investigation on a person you were interested in, before you would make that kind of investment in them…
Now, Ruth made the decision to avoid the men, and to work strictly with the women, several months before this rendezvous took place; and this clearly made an impression upon Mr. Boaz… But, we need to see that Ruth was the real deal from the very beginning, in the other parts of her life as well… See, Boaz knew that Ruth wasn’t mixing it up and messing around with the hot, tanned and sweaty servant boys at work... But Boaz also knew that Ruth wasn’t hanging out and partying with her single friends on her off-hours, either... And Ruth wasn't giving in to the advances of the wealthy, well-dressed boys in town, by letting them buy her those frothy Israeli wine coolers during Happy Hour at TGI Thursday's… (Now, we know there wouldn't have been a TGI Friday's in ancient Israel, because the Sabbath starts on Friday..;)
No, in her spare time, Ruth was busy minding her own business… And, when Ruth wasn’t working in Boaz' field gathering grain; Ruth made herself busy, walking with God and taking care of her Mother in law… So, Boaz knew that Ruth would be a good partner for him in the business of life; because Ruth was already living a quality life, and taking care of business, before she ever knew that Boaz might be paying attention to her… But this verse makes it clear that Boaz was paying attention… So, we need to see, in Ruth's example, that a quality person does what is right, simply because it’s right… And, a quality person allows the Lord to figure out what the dividend for those quality decisions might be, down the road… And, we also get the impression that Ruth wasn’t overly concerned with her beauty, or her biological clock... At least she wasn't concerned with those things to the point where she spent a lot of time fretting about whether or not she had a man… I think overall, Ruth was a pretty content individual; and I think Ruth’s settled attitude was a big part of what made her attractive to Boaz…
So, we want to bring this discussion into the twenty-first century… Because, I’ve seen that, a woman who is overly concerned with her beauty and whether she has a man in her life; will also be a woman who might get involved in “Missionary dating”… And this is where a Christian woman might allow herself to get romantically involved with an unbeliever, or with a marginal Christian man; often attributing the need for this, to the scarcity of available, quality, Christian men... But a Christan woman might also "Missionary date", with the perceived intention of using her beauty and availability as a form of bait, to bring about the salvation, or spiritual enrichment of a prospective boyfriend and husband… And I believe that Ruth knew those kinds of relationships were nothing but a time-wasting trap; and I hope you are wise enough to avoid those things as well…
Because girlfriend; I hope you know, that meeting a man in a club somewhere and bringing him to your church or to your singles group; and expecting this man to get saved and to walk with God, and then; to be your boyfriend and your husband; is a very tall order, indeed… And, I hope you know that missionary dating doesn't work... And, I also hope you know it’s just not your job as a Christian, to use your singleness as a salvation tool for the opposite sex... And I truly hope you're aware; that it's dangerous to believe you can fulfill your ministry and your romantic aspirations at the same time… Because, giving your heart to unbelievers and marginal Christians is defined in the Bible as being "Unequally yoked", and those relationships and marriages will rarely be very fulfilling for you. And difficult relationships will very simply waste your life... Now girl, I know this might be hard truth for you to hear; but I also hope you know it's right...
And I also hope you know, you won't be able to permanently change a man, with your romantic influence over him... Because, if a man isn't the person he needs to be when you meet him; chances are, he'll never really be that person in your lifetime... And ladies, I simply want to affirm to you that; if you have been frustrated with your lack of success in finding Mr. Wonderful... Please don’t lower your standards to make room for Mr. Not-Ready-Yet; or Mr. Never-Will-Be-Ready-At-All… And, if you are in a relationship with one of these individuals, I hope you will have the courage to extricate yourself from it very quickly…
See ladies, if you meet an unbeliever, and you fall for him; and you begin to pray for him… I want you to know, that even if God answers your prayer and this person gets saved… You will still, at this point, be in a relationship with a baby Christian… And, a baby Christian is not the respectable leader you are really looking for… A baby Christian will probably blow out of his faith a few times; and he will probably have to go through several long seasons of very slow growth, and a few long periods of very dumb ideas; before he gets rooted and grounded in the Word; if, in fact, he ever does… And, that might sound a little harsh; but just remember; you and I have needed to simmer at very low boil, for a very long time, to mature and to become tender and workable in the hands of the Lord… So, you would really do better, not to circumvent that process in someone's life; just so you can have that person next to you, as a baby Christian...
Girlfriend please; leave unbelieving and marginal men alone… They are simply not your mission field; and they will entangle your heart every time you get involved with them... See, you only have one life to live for Christ; and ladies, you will only have real ministry to other women... And that's because women are able to touch hearts with other women in ministry relationships; but women don't touch hearts with men very well, at least not without a lot of complications... So, I want to say again; ladies, if you meet a man who isn't ready; that simply means he's not the man for you; so please let him go... And girlfriend, the sooner you let that man go; the easier it will be on your heart...
So ladies, I want to end this subject with some strong words of encouragement… See, I know it's not very much fun to be alone, sometimes... But, I want you to know that, God knows what He’s doing in your life and in your future… And, I want to encourage you, not to get anxious over whether you have a man now; or whether you will ever have a man… Because, your life is not really about having a man; it is about the Lord Jesus... And ladies, I want to let you know, that God knows what and whom He has for you... And, I hope you will keep your head up, stay in good fellowship with quality women, and remain useful to the Lord in this season of your life... I hope you won't allow yourself to become too anxious over being alone, so you might bend your rules to suit the desires of a man who just isn't for you… I hope you will always set the spiritual bar very high, in your romantic choices… And, I hope you will always keep your relationship and marriage candidates among quality, seasoned believers with a history of purity and quality; regardless of how rare those individuals might seem to be…
So, Ruth wasn’t having relationships with the poor boys on the farm, or the rich boys in the city… Ruth was busy minding her own business; and Ruth was confident enough to let the unbelievers and the immature guys figure life out for themselves… Ruth knew, in her relationships with men, that it was perfectly okay to do that… Ruth knew that giving the job of boyfriend or husband to a person who isn’t qualified for the job; was equal to the Biblical definition of being unequally yoked… And Ruth also knew, that being unequally yoked was the Biblical definition of failure… And, Ruth had experienced enough failure in her life… And I hope you’ve had enough of that as well…
Ruth 3:11. And now, my daughter, do not fear. I will do for you all that you request, for all the people of my town know that you are a virtuous woman.
So, in this verse, I'd really like for us to see that, by the time this nighttime rendezvous had taken place, it was perfectly obvious that Ruth had fully given her heart to this man Boaz… But, I love the inflection here, that even though Ruth was clearly making herself extremely available to him; Boaz made it very clear that, he would be the one to make the final decision regarding whether there would be a marriage between the two of them, or not… And, I know we’ve discussed the businesslike approach to relationships before, in the previous chapters… But, I want to further explore the concept, that continuing a romantic relationship into a marriage is certainly designed to be fun; but it is also part of a serious decision-making process… And, I want to make it clear; that I believe the man holds the primary responsibility to make that decision… And, I know that statement will fly in the face of this culture, and I really don’t want to beat it to death… But, you have to admit, it’s right here in plain words, in the Book of Ruth… So, I think we need to take a look at it…
Because, here in this verse; Ruth asked Boaz to cover her in marriage; and Ruth was putting herself out there in a moment of extreme vulnerability… But Boaz would have been under no condemnation, had he made the decision that Ruth wasn’t a good choice for the job of wife… And Boaz was perfectly free, in God’s grace, to simply say to Ruth, “You are very kind, but I’m not going to marry you… And then, it would have been the correct thing for Boaz to simply end the relationship, in order to spare his sister any further heartache… Now, clearly; Ruth was a very good choice… But, Boaz made it clear, he wasn’t willing to choose a wife who wasn’t qualified for the job, simply because a particular woman was warm, willing and available…
And this concept is true for both genders of single adults; because everyone faces situations where a person will make themselves available to us for a relationship... And that's why it's so practical and important for us to make and keep a running list of our required qualifications for the job of husband or wife... That way, if someone applies for the job, we can keep our emotions mostly out of the picture, and we can simply check the list... Now, we know that some individuals who approach us will clearly not be a positive candidate for the job from the very beginning; but some will require a little more face time to reveal his or her true nature... So, while I'm not suggesting for us to be overly clinical or scientific in matters of the heart; I think we would do better to slow down and be more careful and decisive in these things...
And this is the part of the story, where Boaz clearly makes the decision; that he is going to love Ruth for a lifetime… Because, Boaz says, “I will do for you all that you request, for all the people of my town know that you are a virtuous woman”… And this brings us to a very critical discussion regarding the key difference between men and women in the area of love and relationships… See, an emotionally available woman is capable of FALLING in love with a man… And that woman will totally give her heart away to that man, when she falls in love with him… An emotionally available woman has a cliff within her emotional self; that she literally falls, or leaps from, when she falls in love… And, I want to be very clear to everyone, that men simply don’t have that cliff inside of them to fall from…
Ladies, that’s why the Bible tells you, in The Song of Solomon 2:7; “I charge you, O daughters of Jerusalem, do not stir up or awaken love until it pleases”. The Bible cautions a woman to be very careful in awakening and stirring up the love response that lies within her for a man… Because, again; an emotionally available woman will, very simply lose control of her heart when she falls in love… And ladies, a man definitely knows the precise instant you have fallen for him, because his life gets very sweet and easy at that very moment... And there are men in the church, and there are men outside the church, who will say and do all of the right things, just for the thrill of achieving the conquest of your heart... And having made that conquest, these men will often move on to another challenge... And I didn't say that to cause you to become more bitter or distrustful... I simply said it to cause you to be careful...
[Now, at this point, there might be some protest from a few of the men who might be reading this book... Because, many men have come out of a relationship with an emotionally damaged woman who simply was unable or unwilling to surrender her heart to a man, in a Biblically correct fashion, in respect, love and trust... And men; you might be saying, "I gave my heart to her; but she never gave her heart to me"... But men; if you have given the job of wife, to a woman who simply wouldn't, or couldn't do the job... You must own the responsibility which is yours; and you must let your former spouse own the responsibility which is hers... You must forgive; you must give yourself time to understand how love, in a settled godly man really works; and you must move forward... Because men, you simply cannot spend the rest of your life painting all of womanhood with a broad brush of distrust simply because you made a poor choice in marriage...]
And ladies; even a good, balanced, emotionally stable man will not always understand the concept of the total surrender of the feminine heart and you should probably not expect him to… Because ladies, a quality, emotionally secure man simply doesn’t fall in love in the way you understand the term… And this is particularly true in a man who has had some of his more sensitive nerve endings burned off in a previous marriage... See, ladies, a quality, secure man will usually DECIDE to love you, rather than to emotionally FALL in love with you… And, once a quality man decides to love a woman… That decision is mostly chiseled in stone…
And ladies, a good, quality man will consider the decision to love a woman very carefully over a long period of time… And, having made the decision to commit to love; and, having determined to make the investment in a quality woman… Quality men don’t give themselves an easy way out of the decision… So, in other words; when a quality man makes the vow; he keeps the vow… But ladies, you might have already discovered that quality men are kind of rare in this culture... But, again; I hope you won't become discouraged over that; and I hope you won't ever settle for a player in the absence of a good man... Just "Be the person" God designed you to be, and let God worry about bringing the other person to you..
So, in this culture, when Coolio; or Julio; or Michael; or any other man croons away, singing; “I have fallen madly in love with you, and I can’t live without you”… Christians simply need to shun the bait this culture is offering them… Because, ladies and gentlemen; that is simply not the Biblical model of romantic love in a godly man. In fact, when a man declares to a woman that he cannot live without her; that man is usually more declaring his personal state of neediness or co-dependency than he is, offering his pure romantic love from the heart of a quality, godly man… And, a needy, co-dependent person doesn’t love correctly… Instead, a needy person often rescues another person… And rescuing in relationships, courtships and marriages is nothing less than slow and painful death… And most of us have already experienced that, at least once in our lives…
So, Boaz was a confident, godly man, and he didn't declare to Ruth that he had totally lost his identity in his love for her; because a confident Christian man doesn't really do that… And, in deciding to love Ruth, Boaz made certain, that Ruth was a good candidate for the job; because Boaz knew, that rescuing in marriage amounted to slow and painful death... And, Ruth fell in love with Boaz, and God honored her heart.. But, we know that men and women like Bo and Ruth are rare in this culture; so, I hope we will be very careful in the world of romance... And, we know that God's grace will totally cover all the stuff we've gotten into in the past; but we just can't continue making difficult, unhealthy relationship decisions... Well, that’s it for me, thanks for reading… We appreciate your comments...
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( 3.7 / 20 )Ruth 3:7-9 "And after Boaz had eaten and drunk, and his heart was cheerful, he went to lie down at the end of the heap of grain; and she came softly, uncovered his feet, and lay down. Now it happened at midnight that the man was startled, and turned himself; and there, a woman was lying at his feet. And he said, "Who are you?" So she answered, "I am Ruth, your maidservant. Take your maidservant under your wing, for you are a close relative."
Now, we know this picture of Ruth curling up at the feet of Boaz can certainly be viewed as a pure-hearted act of Biblical submission… And lots of teachers have explored that view of this couples’ impromptu first date… And, it is totally not my intention to be a negative wet blanket over this great love story… But, we know Ruth and Boaz weren’t married when this rendezvous took place… And, we’ve said before, it appears that Ruth, at this moment, might have been willing to use her body to gain Boaz’ attention… And again, we’ll see later, that it was mostly the maturity, grace and discipline of Mr. Boaz which kept these two from becoming sexually entwined on that summer night in ancient Jerusalem…
And this is a lovely story indeed… But, we want to bring this scene into the twenty-first century, so we can make it apply to us… And, if a long, sexually pure courtship was this couple’s goal; then allowing this setting and situation to happen; was clearly not a very wise move… And I’m sure many of us have found ourselves in similar, sexually-charged situations with persons we’ve cared about; and we might have to say the outcome was not quite so pure… And I’m also sure there must be some folks reading this right now, who are genuinely wondering what the big deal would have been; if Ruth and Bo would have actually had romantic sex that night, under the starry desert sky…
Because, we live in a culture which would tell us that sex is just part of life… And we receive constant input from every corner of our lives which would tell us the timeless Biblical view of sexual purity is either silly and old-fashioned at best, or hateful and harmful at worst… And we certainly know more than a few professing Christians who have bought into this worldly sexual philosophy… Many Christians truly believe that; keeping the fulfillment of sexual passion strictly within the confines of marriage; is really just one of many Biblical options… And some of us might sincerely ask: “Even though sex outside of marriage might be a sin; doesn’t God just forgive all sin, all the time, anyway… So, what’s the big deal?
Well, since this book is written to single and divorced Christian adults, who might have experienced some personal consequences due to some unbiblical sexual decisions; possibly including the demise of a relationship or two… Maybe we should look briefly into the genuine Biblical view of sexual purity… Because, the Bible is very clear that sex between folks who are not married is described by ugly words like fornication and adultery… And moving forward, the Bible is also clear, that folks who do these things do not, and will not inherit the kingdom of God… And that means, ladies and gentlemen; that people who continue to traffic in fornication and adultery; and who will not repent and stop doing these things, simply do not make it to heaven… So apparently, this is a pretty big deal…
1Corinthians 6:9-11(Abbreviated) "Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived. Neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor homosexuals will inherit the kingdom of God”. And such were some of you. But you were washed, but you were sanctified, but you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus and by the Spirit of our God”.
So, I hope you agree; the Bible speaks very clearly on this subject… But, if I can put it another way; I think this passage is saying… The practice of genuine obedience to basic Biblical truth in the area of sexual purity as a single adult; and the practice of maintaining sexual exclusiveness within a marriage covenant, is one of the key Biblical indications, of whether or not a person truly believes and understands the concept of Biblical accountability; which is the key part of being saved and redeemed by grace, in the first place… And, this Bible passage goes on to say… Many of us might have practiced these acts of fornication and adultery in the past; but the process of being washed and sanctified means we don’t practice those things anymore… Therefore, the Biblical indication is; if you still continue to practice these things; and you really don’t see the need to repent and stop practicing these things; you are simply not saved by grace… And, after all is said and done, you must be saved by grace, in order to go to heaven…
People; I don’t know a milder, more gracious way to put it… It is truly right there in Biblical black and white… And, if I’m not reading it correctly; I’d really like to know about it… Premarital sex, and sex outside of marriage is a very big deal; it is literally an eternal life and death issue… And, I think we Christians have to get real with ourselves; and we have to get real with others over this thing called Biblical sexual purity… But, let me be clear when I say we have to get real with others… I simply mean, our voice to others must have a solid Biblical foundation… But, this really is an issue of personal purity we are talking about here… We cannot judge the choices of another person; that’s God’s job… Our job; is to take the necessary measures in our own lives to maintain our own sexual purity; and then, to allow God to discipline the rest of His church, His way… But the Bible is also clear that; Christians who traffic in sexual sin and sins of the flesh; are truly living on borrowed time when it comes to God’s discipline…
Hebrews 12:6. "For whom the Lord loves He disciplines, and He chastens everyone He receives"…
Colossians 3:5-6. "Therefore, put to death your members which are on the earth: fornication, uncleanness, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry.
Because of these things the wrath of God is coming upon the sons of disobedience"…
So we want to talk to single adults about the concept of sexual purity in all of our relationships, at any cost… Because sexual sin will ruin your life; and it will tear your house down, every time… Premarital sex; or sex outside of marriage will totally destroy your relationships, every single time you get involved in it… Folks, there is just no such thing as “Christian sexual freedom”; and if you are trafficking in any of those kinds of things, you really need to bring some personal discipline to those areas of your life, and put a stop to it…
But, you might say… “Jeff, you don’t understand; I can’t help it; I guess I’m not like everybody else; I must have an overactive sex gland; or something”... Or, you might say, “God knows my heart; He knows me and my boyfriend or girlfriend are really in love; and we are probably going to get married anyway… So God really knows it’s okay for us to have sex”… Or, you might have similar excuses for other questionable behaviors or relationships …
Listen folks, I know the attitudes of the world toward sex and moral purity has totally permeated the church; and it has done so, to the point where many Christians kind of wink at the notion of engaging in sexual sin… But, I think we’ve seen that God doesn’t wink at sexual sin at all… In fact, I think the Bible indicates that; as the world continues its moral decline into an “Anything goes” attitude toward sex and morality; our maintenance of a Biblically pure lifestyle, and our refusal to compromise in the area of sexual and moral purity will become one of those things which will, in fact, create a distinct line of division between who is a believer; and who isn’t a believer in Jesus Christ… And I think; the time to decide which side of that line of division we intend to live on; is now…
So, now that we’ve discussed the Biblical consequence of sexual sin… I hope we realize that; we simply won’t be successful in staying pure in our relationships, if we don’t decide, first of all, that sexual purity is important enough to pursue; with all of our determination; and with all of our hearts; all of the time… And, I think we have to develop that serious determination toward sexual purity in our relationships; before we ever meet someone of the opposite sex, to begin to spend time with… Because, the time for a couple to decide that he and she intends to stay sexually pure for a long, productive courtship, is long before they find themselves spending hours on end; touching, kissing and fondling one another in the heat of the moment… And, we must communicate our commitments to sexual purity, early and often in all of our relationships… And if we find ourselves in a relationship with someone who isn’t so committed to remaining sexually pure; maybe that’s a red flag in that relationship, at which we need to look more closely…
In other words, if we’re going to lead a sexually pure life; we have to understand, this sexual drive we possess is highly explosive… And we’ll have to set ourselves up to succeed with it, long before we get into passionate, heat of the moment situations with those we’ve come to care about… Because; if we won’t plan for success in this area; we will simply fail, every single time… And some of you might have been in a compromising situation with another person; and you might have said, or heard from that person… “You can’t kiss me like that, or; you can’t touch me like that, because I can’t stop … You’ve just activated the launch sequence; and now it’s too late; we have to finish what we started”… But, people; the Bible also says, we are to “Flee sexual immorality”; and you absolutely have to know; that it’s never too late to run away from an impossible sexual situation… And, unless you are built very differently from most of us; you can’t be involved in an act of fornication or adultery while you are running away from someone…
And you might have been in a situation, where you either placed or felt some pressure or obligation to bring a sexually-charged encounter with someone, to a satisfactory conclusion for you or them, in some sort of creative manner… But, I hope you understand, that sex is still sex; no matter how creatively you experience it, or perform it… And, I hope we can finally put all of our past excuses for sexual license and moral impurity to bed, please… Because, if you or I are involved in any kind of fornication or adultery in our lives; it’s not because we’re different from anyone else; it’s simply because we set ourselves up to fail… It’s simply because we didn’t plan for success over the long term; and we just didn’t stop and flee the declining moral situation, before the situation deteriorated to a point where we just couldn’t, or wouldn’t stop and flee anymore…
So, in your life as a single adult; even if you think you have an “Overactive sex gland”… I want you to know that you really are capable of starving your sex drive into submission to your godly will… And you can accomplish that, by simply not feeding it, with things like porn or romance or bad relationships, etc; which will cause it to grow out of control… And, I hope you also know that you’ll never be able to starve your sex drive to the point where it won’t come back if you get married again… Because, we’ve been doing this kind of counseling for a very long time; and that just never seems to be a problem…
But, we have to settle the issue with God; that sex is not a personal privilege; and there is no such thing in the Bible as, “Friends with benefits”… Because, sex is part of the benefits package of the job of marriage… And, you don’t get a benefits package if you don’t have a job… And you can’t show up at a place of business and say, “I want the benefits package, but I don’t want to work here”… You know you can’t do that, because you know they’ll throw you out… And, ladies and gentlemen; if you are hanging out with someone who is pressuring you for a benefits package, but they don’t want to work for you for a lifetime; or, if you are considering giving benefits to someone you wouldn’t hire, if he or she applied for the job anyway… Then, throw them out; because; there is no such thing as time-wasting relationships in the Kingdom of God… You must not defraud or play with the hearts of your brothers and sisters in time wasting relationships… Your time; and their time, is much too valuable for that…
So, again; Ruth presented herself to Boaz in a manner that could have gone either way… Both of these godly individuals, found themselves in a compromising situation… And, in this case; it was Boaz who owned the responsibility for a pure conclusion to the situation… It was Boaz who chose to “Flee the youthful lust”, and to defuse the sexual tension of this occasion before it became unmanageable for either of them… And I think; the overall responsibility for the purity of a long-term relationship lies primarily with the man… But, in the living out of a long courtship in the real world; I know it will take the discipline and commitment of both parties in the relationship to pull off a long, sexually pure, season of bonding between two lovers in love… But, I think it’s worth it; and I hope you agree…
Thanks for reading, we're encouraged by your comments... Jeff
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( 3.3 / 33 )Ruth 3:1-6 “Then Naomi her mother-in-law said to her, "My daughter, shall I not seek security for you, that it may be well with you? Now Boaz, whose young women you were with, is he not our relative? In fact, he is winnowing barley tonight at the threshing floor. Therefore wash yourself and anoint yourself, put on your best garment and go down to the threshing floor; but do not make yourself known to the man until he has finished eating and drinking. Then it shall be, when he lies down, that you shall notice the place where he lies; and you shall go in, uncover his feet, and lie down; and he will tell you what you should do." And she said to her, "All that you say to me I will do." So she went down to the threshing floor and did according to all that her mother-in-law instructed her”.
Okay, so now we have Naomi continuing to exert her questionable influence upon Ruth… And, when Naomi says to Ruth, “My daughter, shall I not seek security for you; that it may be well with you?”
Our gracious Christian tendency might be to say that Naomi simply had the best of intentions in motivating Ruth to make this bold move upon Boaz… Because, there was no welfare provision in ancient Israel for non-native women like Ruth, so we might truly believe Naomi was justified in using any means of influence necessary, to get Ruth a man to take care of her… But, I think we Christians have to be honest with ourselves; and I think we have to be honest with others as well; when it comes to the influence of friends, family, etc; upon our godly personal choices… Because, we are in a battle every day, for the integrity and usefulness of our lives; and our enemy will use every weapon he has available to him, to cause us to compromise our choices and to render us ineffective for the cause of Christ… And he will certainly use the influence of well-meaning family and friends to accomplish that purpose if he can…
And, I know that Ruth had needs which Boaz could fulfill… But, there are really only two ways for believers to deal with a problem of need… There is the way of faith and trust in God, to meet the need His way… Or, there is the way of devious and cunning manipulation, to get the need met our way…
And, we are always tempted to try the latter way first, so we always seem to be willing to consider the opinions of those who come alongside of us with the opening line, “I’m only thinking about what’s best for you”… So, it’s important for us to see; the enemy can use very subtle influences to cause us to compromise our core values… And, many of us have gone through (or possibly are in) some very difficult times in our lives and relationships, mostly because we allowed an outside influence to lead us in a direction that was opposite of God’s will and purpose for us…
And, there are also, really only two methods for believers to initiate and sustain romantic relationships as well… There is the way of waiting for Gods provision in patience and grace; and there is the method of, “Making something happen”… And, when Naomi says to Ruth, “Listen Ruthie, here's what you need to do... You wash, lotion and perfume your entire body; you put on your nicest little dress and you go down to be with your man, where he is working and partying with his friends… But don't let him see you before he has finished eating and drinking, and wait until he has gone to bed… Then, when he lies down, go and lie at his feet and he will tell you what to do next”… Now, I know there is rich symbolism in the original text, and other pastors and writers have done a great job in exploring those things… But this book is written to single and divorced adults; so I think it’s important that we take notice of some things the others might have missed…
And, the actions of a woman bathing and perfuming herself; making her skin to be as sexy as it can be; and going to lie down with an intoxicated man, to wait for him to tell her what to do next… Might possibly be considered an aggressive and sexually risky process of “Making something happen” with a man… And a woman might do this, either; to get a man’s attention; to excite his sense of passion for her; or possibly to force that man prematurely, to take a courtship to the next level of commitment… And many of us can look back upon our relationship history and realize that we have been guilty as well, of “Making things happen” in romance and marriage, with people that God simply didn’t have for us… And, I know that God wanted Ruth and Boaz to be together… But, I also believe God could have accomplished this pairing in a much purer fashion, without this seductive and fleshly move on the part of Ms. Ruth…
So, in that last passage, Ruth went to a considerable amount of preparation, by anointing, perfuming and presenting her skin to Boaz, in order to get his attention… Ruth used her skin as a kind of “Bait”, to draw Boaz’ attention to her, and to raise Boaz' sense of desire for her… And, I want to carefully speak to other Christian women, who might have a lingering willingness to follow the lead of this culture; and who might be willing to dress in a seductive fashion, or in a way that exposes a lot of skin and body curvature, in order to present a trendy or stylish appearance; or to gain the attention of a man…
And, I’m really not looking for a fight, and I’m truly not suggesting that Christian women should be non-stylish or “Frumpy” in any way… Trust me, that is not my point… I totally believe that Christian women should be feminine and attractive… I’m just not sure it’s the best choice for Christian women to dress in a fashion that reveals more skin and body curvature than is necessary… Because I believe; when a Christian woman chooses to dress herself in a fashion which is seductive or body-revealing in nature… I think it might tend to reveal within that woman, perhaps a lack of understanding, or even maybe, a heart issue of disrespect for the visual nature of men… And ladies, I know I’m walking into a minefield, but I’m going to be careful so I hope you’ll be willing to hear me out…
See, I’ve heard from lots of Christian women; who say, “Well, this is just the way I dress, and if men look at me, it’s their problem”… And, I can see the point these women are trying to make… Men really do need to get a handle on their visual natures… And, I will talk to the men about those things in a minute or two… But, I guess I want to ask the question, of those women, with whom this subject raises a certain sense of anger or defiance… Could it be; that a veiled disrespect of men is causing you to bristle at the notion of taking some Biblical responsibility; in the way you present yourself at church or elsewhere? See, ladies, I know that you are not responsible for any man’s level of control over his heart and his eyes… But, regardless of whether men notice you, I still believe you have a God-given responsibility, in the way you dress, to take the high road, and to present yourself as a woman of purity and respect…
See ladies, I know that we men are very sensory and visual creatures… God created us that way... But it might surprise you to know, that many of us men don’t necessarily like that overly-visual part of our nature… That visual side of our fleshly nature creates a huge liability for us and it truly gets in the way of God in our lives… And, most quality men have learned the hard way, that we are never going to be effective at all for the cause of Christ if we won’t subdue our fleshly and visual appetites, by bringing them into submission to the Lord Jesus on a daily basis… And, we men recognize it’s our job to do that, and the Holy Spirit reminds us every day when we don’t… And we men are concerned for our brothers in Christ, and we pray for one another in this area all the time…
But we also know there are some Christian women who seem to go out of their way to dress in a fashion that was very simply created by worldly designers, to draw our eyes to the woman wearing it, and to create a “Whoa factor” for us… And, the Whoa factor is that initial response when a man sees a woman who trips his visual triggers… And, ladies, you might believe it is immature and inappropriate for a Christian man to have those visual triggers in the first place, and most Christian men would tend to agree with you… We wish we didn’t have them as well… But we, as men, have mostly learned, that this visual nature is something within us that we can’t totally fix… It is just something we must decide to control every day… And, I just simply believe that, in a family of believers, visual control is a matter of shared responsibility between both genders.
So, again, when everything is said and done, the real purpose of this book is to encourage single and divorced Christian adults to learn from Biblical truth to have quality, long-term relationships with one another… And we know that many women have not really had great experiences with men in the area of sexual or visual purity… And those experiences with undisciplined men might have left those women with some feelings of insecurity, or jealousy, or perhaps a certain feeling of disrespect for men… But, we know that Genesis 3:16 still says that women have an innate desire to be in a relationship and to be married to a good man someday… And we know there is little chance of success in any relationship with any man, if a woman continues to carry around those thinly-veiled feelings of insecurity, jealousy or disrespect toward men…
So, while I have your attention, ladies; I’d like to briefly go back to the concepts of love and respect that we covered a few chapters ago… Because, many women might have been truly surprised to learn that; in most instances, this whole visual stimulation thing is a liability for us men… And it may also surprise women to know, a good man deeply knows what a contradiction of characters he is... And a good man also knows he has a flesh that attacks his integrity every minute of every day… But ladies, a good man will still need to have your respect in order to be able to love you… And ladies, once a quality man decides to love you; you will have the power to crush that man with your tongue… In fact, once a man gives his heart to you; your man will often live in trembling fear of your tongue… And your voice can be an encouraging drink of refreshing, cool water to your man, or it can absolutely be salt on a snail to him… And, if you go into a relationship, harboring a veiled disrespect for the male gender, based upon your past experiences with men; you will simply not be able to maintain your feelings of love and respect for your man for very long at all…
Because, I can absolutely guarantee you that; regardless of how wonderful your man might be… At some point in your courtship or marriage, your man will fall short of your expectations in the area of visual attraction to another woman… In other words, if you stay with any man long enough, you will have to deal with his “Whoa” factor… And, if you beat your man down with your tongue over his visual nature; your man will turn into Mama’s little boy; and he will begin to curl up and die on you… If you beat your man down over his basic nature, your man will simply shut himself off from you emotionally, every-single-time… And, if your man has been married before; if he has already been brutalized by a previous wife… Chances are; if you don't handle this situation with encouragement, determination and grace; if you badger and fight with your man out of jealousy or disrespect, as your man is trying on his own to control his nature… Your man will probably fight with you, and he will begin to emotionally turn away from you… And sadly, ladies; at this point, you will begin the process of tearing your relationship down with your own two hands… I know those are strong words, but I hope you will take them seriously if you hope to be successful in relationship with a man...
So ladies, I truly did not say any of these things to berate you, or to make you angry… I simply want you to know that; even a perfectly good man still has a flesh to deal with… And you have the authority to set the tone, for yourself, and for your sisters in Christ, to be a gracious support to your brothers, in this area of visual and sexual influence … And you can do that with your manner of dress; you can do it with your tongue; and you can help to accomplish that with your actions… And ladies, I truly hope you will make that choice…
Now, let me take a moment to speak to the men… Men; we have talked about your “Whoa factor”…
And, when you see an attractive woman, you may not always have perfect, split-second control, over your initial “Whoa” response, when that person comes into your field of view… But, you absolutely have control over what you do with your eyes and your mind, after your initial “Whoa” moment has passed… And, men, you simply do not need to allow your initial “Whoa” response to turn into a lust issue for you… And men, if you allow yourself to overthink any visual attraction, until it becomes a lust issue for you… You will do this at your own peril; and at the peril of your relationships… See, lust is the “Whoa factor” gone too far… Lust is our tendency to overthink a fleshly attraction to a person that we absolutely know; that God does not have for us… And men, all of us are smart enough to know, in the first moment we see someone; whether there is any chance in the world; that the Lord might have that person for us… And all of us know, there is absolutely no good thing in overthinking anything, or anyone that God does not have for us … And every man who has ever fallen into sexual sin will acknowledge that; every sexual sin absolutely began with his overthinking of a poor choice…
[And, I also know that many women can relate to the brutal personal cost of overthinking and subsequently pursuing a less-than-godly relationship choice as well... We know that sins of the flesh are common to both genders, it's just that we men are usually drawn initially, by what we see; and women are often drawn initially by what they feel... But, ladies and gentlemen; the cost of those kinds of indulgences is always huge; and we can't always fix the overwhelming effects of everything we've done in the past... Sometimes, the best we can do, is to recognize the sin and truly repent; ask forgiveness of those we've hurt in the process; and move on... But we must always realize that we are still prone in the future; to the same sin that might have bitten us in the past]...
So, if you are drawn, either visually or emotionally to a person that, you know the Lord absolutely does not have for you; then you must notice, and unnotice that person, all in the same moment… Because, falling into lust is disrespectable behavior… And you truly will not be respected, if you will not be respectable… And Boaz was presented with a choice, in Ruth’s coming to him the way she did… And, we’ll see later on, that Boaz handled that choice very well, indeed… And, regardless of the wardrobe or activity choices of any person we might see or meet anywhere; the responsibility still lies within us; to find a way to behave in a manner that is godly and respectable… Even if that means we have to remove ourselves from the situation...
So, that’s it for me… I hope we've said some things you found to be valuable...
Thanks for reading, and feel free to check in with us…
There are several ways to do that, and we are truly encouraged by your responses…
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( 3.2 / 22 )Ruth 2:23. “So she stayed close by the young women of Boaz, to glean until the end of barley harvest and wheat harvest; and she dwelt with her mother-in-law”.
Now, while we're on the subject of gleaning, there are several ripe treasures of truth for us to glean from this little sentence in the Book of Ruth, as well… And, I know I use a lot of words; but I think we can cover everything in one Blog segment… So, as we look at this short sentence in the Bible, we’ll talk about some of the things Ruth did... We’ll discuss some of the things Ruth could have done... And, we’ll also talk about some of the things Ruth didn’t do… Because, Ruth was single, as many of you are, and Ruth was totally free to pursue any life and relationship path she wanted; but Ruth chose the exemplary path of a demure Godly woman (And I believe that's true, even though she might have gotten sidetracked into a few questionable decisions along the way)… And, I think this short, little sentence from our Book of Ruth, helps to bear all of that out…
So, first of all, this verse says that Ruth “stayed close by the young women of Boaz to glean until the end of barley harvest and wheat harvest”… And, as we’ve discussed before; this combined barley and wheat harvest might have lasted a substantial amount of time… It might possibly have lasted several weeks or months, during that summer and fall outside of Jerusalem… Because, harvesting grain takes time, especially when all the work is done by hand… And, I think barley and wheat ripen at somewhat different times… Also, we don’t know how much property Boaz owned; but it was probably quite a lot… And Ruth stayed “to glean until the end” of both these separate harvests. So, again, this might have been a lengthy process…
And, the point here is; that Ruth hung out with the women for the entire time of these harvests…
That means she didn’t find a reason to walk over and “mix it up” with the men… And, I know Boaz initially told Ruth to work with the men, and it was Naomi’s influence that caused Ruth to act differently… And I might be painting a somewhat rosy picture of a left-handed situation; but, I don’t think so… I still believe that Ruth had the kind heart of a servant… And I say that because; it was Ruth who chose to abandon her people and her family, to follow God, by faith, into a strange land in the first place… So, regardless of Naomi’s less-than-perfect influence over this young woman in a few instances; I still believe that Boaz was correct in his conviction that Ruth was an individual of pure quality… Boaz saw through Ruth’s shortcomings, to see her heart… And, I believe God does that with us as well… So, if our past actions; and even some of our present actions have been less-than-perfect… We need to know that God isn’t judging us; and He can still accomplish the things He wants to do through us…
Because God did some awesome things through Ruth...
So Ruth worked diligently with the women… And, I believe Ruth might have gotten to know these women over the course of these harvests; and she might have looked for ministry opportunities within that circle of women… So, maybe this was God's plan after all, because Ruth would've had no ministry to the servant men at all... Who knows, maybe Ruth formed a little “Lunchtime Bible Study” with these ladies… Okay, that might be a reach; but Ruth had a servant’s heart, remember… And, that’s really all God is looking for, anyway… God is simply looking for a person who will “Bloom where he or she is planted”… And, I believe Ruth was that kind of person, and that’s what set her apart in the eyes of the Lord; and in the eyes of Boaz…
See, following God into ministry is relatively easy; if you allow yourself to love the people whom God places around you… If you are willing to find out what’s going on with those of your own gender that God has placed in your circle; and you find ways to have genuine love for them; you will find yourself having genuine ministry to them… Because, we all have two choices in our relationships with the Lord, and with people… We can be frivolous; or we can be genuine… I believe Ruth had a genuine heart, with God and with people; and I believe God used that genuineness for His purpose…
I believe God always does that…
And, this verse also goes on to say that Ruth “dwelt with her mother in law”…
So, Ruth lived with Naomi, and Ruth went home every night to be with Naomi, for the entire time she worked for Boaz… And, it doesn’t appear that Naomi was able to work, so Naomi probably filled her free time with the other older ladies in town… And we hope that Naomi was a positive influence on her contemporaries; but, my best guess from what we know about Naomi’s nature; is that Ruth was probably the more demure and Godly influence in that little household… Because, we know, in human nature and family relationships, the cream will always rise to the top… And, when family members are placed together in a household; there will usually be a softer and more spiritual person; who will emerge from the group to provide a greater example of Godliness and purity for the others… And, I believe; in this household; that person was Ruth… It takes a little courage and a little bit of discipline to be the cream in a family, or a household… I hope you see Ruth as an example for you, as well.
So, Ruth “dwelt with her mother in law” for a substantial period of time; even while her loving relationship with Boaz was growing into a passion… And, we can believe that Ruth was faced with the same considerations that every other woman thinks about, as she is falling in love with a man…
And, Ruth might have considered the options of moving in with Boaz for a trial marriage…
Okay; that’s a big reach, too… But, the Bible makes a deliberate point to cover Ruth’s living situation during her entire courtship with Boaz… Because, it says “And she dwelt with her mother in law”… So, whatever else those words mean to us; they specifically mean that Ruth did not move in to live with Boaz before they got married… And, we know the Bible doesn’t say anything by accident, so that statement can totally be taken as God’s opinion on whether or not you should move in with your boyfriend (or girlfriend) as well… Plainly, God says, “Don’t do it”… But whenever God says “Don’t do it”… What He is really saying is, “Don’t hurt yourself”… Because sin and poor decision making will set you up for some pretty serious consequences; and God truly loves you; and He really doesn’t want that to happen…
So, I want to talk briefly about living together before marriage… And I want to describe to you, why moving in together almost never leads to a successful, stable marriage…In our book, “Working Through the Crisis”, we use the example; that living together before marriage is like building a home with a foundation made of concrete that has been diluted with sugar… Because sugar keeps concrete from setting up, so the foundation will be mushy, and the house will fall down, over time… That’s a good example, but I’m going to take a different approach this time… But, before I talk about the destructive effects that living together brings upon a marriage… I want to discuss a few things about; what marriage really is; and why living together almost always sets a couple up for failure and wasted years of relationship…
See, marriage amounts to being locked up with someone; in a small, secure room; for a lifetime; with no means of escape from that room; for any reason; ever... So, in your mind, you can picture a building; like a bunker or a blockhouse… And, you can picture the inside of this building to be about twelve by twelve feet square… And, you can picture it having no windows and no doors to allow for any escape at all…
And then, you can picture yourself locked in that room with someone for a lifetime…
And most of you have been married before, so you know; that’s a pretty accurate description of the feeling that a marriage home conveys…
Now; let’s picture a home where the couple decides not to have a sexually-pure courtship, but rather decides to move in and live together instead… So, you can picture the same twelve by twelve foot blockhouse… Except; in the live-together home; one entire wall is missing… So, in the live-together home; the couple doesn't bond very well together, because; there is always an underlying freedom, in either half of the couple, to simply leave the relationship, just about anytime they want to, with really very few consequences… So, in the live together home; the couple will certainly disagree; but, the constant undercurrent of their relationship is that; if the going gets too tough; one or the other can just pack up, and exit the premises… Therefore, when the couple disagrees and argues, the fights don’t always have a colossal amount of intensity; because there’s always a freedom; and an ability to escape the relationship…
Also, in a live-together home; neither half of the couple necessarily feels a total and absolute responsibility for the other one; because each of them usually maintains a separate bank account; with each contributing to the expenses of the household... And they usually have a somewhat separate and independent view of their own lives; moving into the future… And there often isn’t a lot of love and respect going on in the relationship; because there usually isn’t a lot of mutual investment… So, in a live together relationship... If the sex; and the money; and the food; and the fun, is mostly good... We usually don’t have a lot to fight about… And everything is mostly easy and breezy in our little home…
So, after we’ve lived like that for a while; and we’ve mostly gotten along pretty well… We are usually not content to simply leave our relationship in the live-together stage… Because Genesis 3:16 is still true; and because; our God-given desire is to be married and committed to one another… So, we decide to tie the knot and get married… And; at the very moment we get married; the workers come and place that last, huge concrete wall on our little room; locking us in there; with our former live-together; and now married partner; with no possible means of escape; for either of us; for a lifetime…
And this is where things usually get a little dicey… Because; in converting the temporary nature of cohabiting with someone into the permanent nature of marriage to someone; usually, one or the other of us, just wasn’t prepared for this kind of responsibility; or this kind of commitment… And now, when we argue and fight, we’re not just fighting for the sake of winning the argument for today… Now, we are fighting with our entire future in mind… Now, our lives and futures are joined; so we realize we can’t just tolerate the things we used to… Now, we have to fight to the death over behavioral issues that used to not matter quite so much; because now, our entire future is at stake… And now; we have expectations of being loved and respected in marriage; by another person who never really made a lot of investment in us in the first place… Now, we have genuine expectations of being treated with reverence; like solid gold; by someone who only paid the price of sawdust to get us in the first place… And I truly don’t mean to be harsh; but we have to understand this stuff; or we are going to continue believe the lie this world hands to us; and we are going to continue to die on the vine in impossible relationships…
So, to tie all of this in a bow... Even though Ruth might possibly have been tempted to forgo her ministry opportunities, and move in with Boaz… Ruth “dwelt with her mother in law” during her entire courtship with Boaz… And, you might possibly be tempted someday, either by economics; or by convenience; or by fear of making another mistake; to abandon your future and move in with your new lover… But, I hope you will consider the consequences of that decision… I hope you will find a ministry purpose for your life while you are still single; and, I hope, if you find a new relationship; you will maintain separate homes and some separate interests during your courtship, to help you make a good marriage choice…
And, you really must remain sexually pure, in order to bond properly during your courtship; because the future really is at stake… And, if you put sugar in the foundation of your home; your house will eventually fall down… And nobody wants that… Well, that’s it for me… We’ll talk again soon…
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