Trust me; I know that living as a single adult, when that is not our first choice; can be maddening... It can make you feel like you are trapped inside a box, with no good way out!!! And, when we feel like we’ve been stuck in a difficult box (The Biblical word is “Trial”) for an extended period of time, our tendency is to get a little desperate and try to bust ourselves out of that box with almost any means necessary…
So, I’ve noticed an increasing number of divorced Christians in my field of vision, falling into a pattern of subtle cynicism and quiet longing; or jumping into desperate romantic relationships with difficult, broken people; just because they simply don’t see another option; often because of the mistaken belief that
“All of the good ones are already taken”…
And, so many of God’s people are developing this, “Any port in the storm” mentality; that I think we have to get back to the Bible; and I think we need to let the pure Biblical truth of God’s Word be our example in our thought patterns and relationship choices… And, I think we have to pay attention to the Biblical models of those who got it right; if we are ever going to get to a place spiritually, where we are able have Biblically correct relationships with anyone, including the opposite sex...
So, that brings us to our study of, the Book of Ruth…
And we'll do this study over the course of several installments, so it doesn't get too tedious...
Now, the Book of Ruth is a story of Godly love and commitment between two devoted adults who had, most certainly experienced some degree of past relationship failure… I personally believe, though the Scripture doesn't expressly say it; that both Ruth and Boaz were acquainted with the pain of shattered hopes and dreams… And, I’m trying to say that: I don’t believe this was the first rodeo for either half of this couple… We know that Ruth had been married before… And, although we’re not sure about Boaz; he clearly is not a young guy; and a Jewish man would have been expected to marry for the first time in his early 20’s… And women and men often died at a young age in this culture; so it really wouldn’t be that surprising for this to be a second marriage for him as well… It really doesn't matter if Boaz had been married before... I believe the story of Ruth and Boaz has some great insights into God’s perspective on how to “Get it right”, if the opportunity to have a new relationship comes down the pike for any of us…
And I know that some of you have sworn off the idea of remarriage completely. And that’s totally okay. We’ll see in this story that remarriage is a choice… And I think we’ll also see that Ruth and Boaz had become two pretty settled individuals, before they ever even met… I believe that, the work the Lord did in preparing both of these individuals through the trials and failures of life, is the most important part of this story. But, in all of the things Ruth and Boaz went through in life, God wasn't preparing them for one another. God was preparing them for Him! So, that’s what I want us to get out of this first installment of our study, as we look into the Book of Ruth to see what it has to say to us today. See, this is not just a cute story about two not-so-young lovers. This is pure, Biblical truth.
So I hope we’ll let it speak to us wherever we are in our own walk with the Lord…
And I hope we’ll let it make a difference in the way we look at life and relationships… So now, let’s look at the Book of Ruth…
Ruth 1:1. “Now it came to pass, in the days when the judges ruled, that there was a famine in the land. And a certain man of Bethlehem, Judah, went to dwell in the country of Moab, he and his wife and his two sons. 2. The name of the man was Elimelech, the name of his wife was Naomi, and the names of his two sons were Mahlon and Chilion—Ephrathites of Bethlehem, Judah. And they went to the country of Moab and remained there. 3. Then Elimelech, Naomi's husband, died; and she was left, and her two sons. 4. Now they took wives of the women of Moab: the name of the one was Orpah, and the name of the other, Ruth. And they dwelt there about ten years. 5. Then both Mahlon and Chilion also died; so the woman survived her two sons and her husband”…
So, Naomi, Ruth and Orpah all had the same identical experience; all of them lost their husbands prematurely… And I want you to see that God planned it that way, so no-one could ever say, throughout history, that Ruth somehow had it easier than the other two women in the story. So no-one could minimize Ruth’s Godly determination and loving commitment, by saying that Ruth's life wasn’t quite as compromised, perhaps, as Orpah’s or Naomi’s… So, that means; that all of the excuses were removed, for all three of these women… And, all of them were equally equipped to make the same Godly commitments, at the cost of their own futures, that Ruth did… But only one of these women made those Godly, self-sacrificing commitments. And, consequently, only one of their lives ever made any eternal difference… And Ruth, by the way, although she was not an Israelite; was included by Matthew in the genealogy of the Lord Jesus (In Matthew 1)… And that is some pretty eternal difference, by the way. And it all started with this commitment we’re going to see, here, in a minute or two…
Ruth 1:6. "Then she arose with her daughters-in-law that she might return from the country of Moab, for she had heard in the country of Moab that the LORD had visited His people by giving them bread”.
See, God created the circumstance to bring all of this about… God is always creating circumstances…
And He is constantly looking for people who won’t get bogged down in those circumstances… God is constantly looking for people who are willing to see through those circumstances to the will of God...
Now, Naomi was not a positive person… Life had beaten her down… She really didn’t have a lot of high expectations of life… She only wanted bread with her own people… So, that’s what God used to lure Naomi back to Israel in order to accomplish His eternal purpose… And God had an eternal purpose for each of these women… Particularly Ruth, probably… But, again, each of these women had the choice to totally commit their lives to the will of the Lord Jesus, and only one of them did… We know that God is unlimited, so, here’s the deal… I believe that God is using something with you and me right now, to get us to the place He wants us to be for His eternity… I don’t know what that might be for you, or for me…
But, I know He always gives us a choice; and that choice will always be: will we trust Him; will we obey Him; or will we not... So, the key to learning the Bible we don’t know; is to obey the Bible we DO know...
So now, let’s read Ruth 1:11… “But Naomi said, "Turn back, my daughters; why will you go with me? Are there still sons in my womb, that they may be your husbands”? And now, let’s skip to Ruth 1:16-17. "But Ruth said: Entreat me not to leave you, Or to turn back from following after you; For wherever you go, I will go; And wherever you lodge, I will lodge; Your people shall be my people, and your God, my God. Where you die, I will die, and there will I be buried. The LORD do so to me, and more also, if anything but death parts you and me…"
So, there’s Ruth... Demonstrating her ability to make a determined, loving, obedient commitment…
And Ruth 1:18 says, “When she saw that she was determined to go with her, she stopped speaking to her”.
So, let's wrap this up for now... We can see that Naomi was not an attractive or fun person to be around… But Ruth was a “Doer”; and not a “Stewer”… Ruth had the ability to serve faithfully in the midst of the trial. She had the capability to see the eternal picture in the midst of the discouraging situation. And she had the ability to stick to; and focus on that eternal picture, no matter what came next in her life… And this picture of Ruth, is of a woman who had become truly settled in her position in God's love... See, this is a great romantic story, because Ruth had allowed God; in the many and specific trials of her personal life; to build her up in His own precious way... And that Godly rebuilding process was evident in her life, for all the world to see! And we’ll see why that’s important, further on in the Book, when Boaz says to Ruth…
“I’ve seen all that you have done for your mother-in-law”…
So, Ruth had "Become the person, before she even met the person"...
And we'll see that God has been doing a great creative work in Boaz over the years as well... And, again... That's what makes this such a great story, as God prepares these two; not necessarily for each other; but for Him... And, we need to know, that Christianity isn’t just about what we look like or what we say when people are watching… Christianity is about what we are all the time… I hope you’ll stay tuned for the next time, as we continue to look into the Book of Ruth to see what it has to say to us today…
And I also hope you'll comment, either here or via e-mail or on Facebook...
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As I sit down to write this final entry for 2009, I wanted to reflect on a few things I’ve learned in the trials of the past year… And maybe “learned” isn’t the proper term to use… Maybe I’ve just “Settled my issues with the Lord” on some of them… Here’s the deal, I started this Blog in mid-April of this year, as an extension of some new things we were doing in this ministry…
We had just published “Working through the Crisis” in paperback after giving it away at Calvary Chapel for many years… And I was convinced at the time; that we were headed for instant literary success!!
The desire of our hearts has always been to bring a voice of comfort, grace and Biblical practicality to those who are stuck in the life-changing event of divorce… And the passion of our hearts hasn’t changed in twenty years; but “success” has been muted… So, like many other people, I’m entering a new year, and a new decade; with some new reflections on the past and some new determinations for the future…
So, here are some reflections I’ve gained from the trials in my own life this past year. And my hope is, that some of them will ring true for you as well… And you might notice that, the insight I’ve gained from each trial is exactly the same… That's because, I’ve come to believe that, God’s goal for every trial we face; is that we learn to walk every day in repentance, restoration and renewal; and that, we learn to rest and trust in Him…
So, I’ve learned that; I can’t motivate myself to sit down every week and write, for the response of others… Because, if I gauge my writing success upon book sales; or comments; or web hits, I’ll get discouraged every time… I need another reason to write… So, now, I write mostly for me, as an expression of my own servant’s heart… See, everybody needs an expression of their heart… Some people paint, or draw, or do music; and some people build things and do hobbies… I write stuff… And I try to do it well and I appreciate those who read it… But, lots of artists never sell anything, or gain any notoriety from what they do; and they still paint, and draw, and play, anyway… So, moving forward; I will write and post a blog, every other Sunday… And I want to make that entry as personal; as insightful; and as concise as I can…
And I may write another book…
But I’m setting all my dreams of success aside; and I’m learning to rest in the Lord…
I’ve learned that; it’s harder for me to be nice than it seems to be for others…
For some people, the art of being genuinely caring and gentle to others comes naturally…
But, that is not true for me… I can be a real charm-school-dropout… In my flesh, I can be intense and easily offended; and I really have to die to my flesh daily, to maintain any stable relationships at all; and I have very few… And it pains me sometimes, when I see unbelievers in my circle of acquaintances who are nicer and gentler than I am… But, I constantly remind myself; in this failing, nasty, belligerent world… That God has a kingdom; that He is in control; and, that He has a job for me to do…
I constantly remind myself that; this short, sometimes bittersweet life is never going to be about me…
Otherwise; I’d be inclined to just seclude myself from people…
So, I’m learning to simply set those selfish, reclusive notions aside, and rest in the Lord…
I've learned I'm not the sharpest knife in the drawer,and I've quit trying to be...
I’ve learned I’m not smart enough to be an argumentative Christian; so I don’t start battles I can’t win…
I seem to constantly come into contact with those who are always at war; or locked in debate with others about doctrinal issues; lifestyle issues; government issues, etc, etc, etc… And I find most of those battles to be both distracting and tiring… And, because of the intensity of my personality; I’m always drawn to the fight… But I rarely see anything good come out of the lives of angry, aggressive, battling Christians…
And I’ve also noticed; that others are free to make their own decisions regarding what they believe…
And, the college of hard knocks always seems to bring those wayward individuals around to being receptive to genuine Biblical truth; if the Holy Spirit is drawing them, anyway…
So I’ve repented of my combative Christian stance; and I’m learning to rest in the Lord!!!
I’ve learned that, there is no real success; and no real failure in this life… There is only living out the reality the Lord Jesus has planned for us, for the short time we are assigned to live on this planet…
I know, there are things I can do to improve my success; like prayer, work, faithfulness and giving…
And I know there are things I can do to increase my degree of failure; like drugs; alcohol; adultery selfishness and disobedience…
But, I’ve learned that my life has its own reality in Christ Jesus; and so does everyone else’s life…
And God is in control of that reality… And He doesn’t compare me to anyone…
And I can’t compare my life to anyone else’s life; either…
God simply has something different for me than he has for every other human being on this planet…
And he has something different for you as well…
And my job; is to bloom in the spot God has planted me; and to do the job He has given me to do,
without quitting, or giving up… And I believe that is your job as well…
And I believe that God will give us the grace to do those things as we daily rest in Him...
I know people who are very rich in comfort, and who have very few problems in this world, and I know those who have very little comfort, and who seem to go from one insurmountable obstacle to another…
I know those who have successful, intact families… And I certainly know those who are living out a different reality as single adults and parents… But, all of these individuals, as they’ve dropped their weapons with one another and put on forgiveness with those who’ve hurt them; and settled into the reality of their lives… God has always given each of them, the grace to live the life He has given them to live; and to do the job He has given them to do… And that; dear friends; is all we really have any right to ask for…
So, I’m settling into my little life; and I’m learning to rest in the Lord!!!
So, I hope, as you go through your personal trials through this year, and into the next; whether those trials might be great or small; that you are learning; as I am learning; that, God’s goal for every trial in this life, is… That we learn to walk in daily repentance, restoration and renewal…
And we learn to rest, in the Lord Jesus…
As always, those are my thoughts; I’d love to hear yours…
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( 3.1 / 42 )“Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our tribulation; that we may be able to comfort those who are in any trouble, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. For as the sufferings of Christ abound in us, so our consolation also abounds through Christ. Now if we are afflicted, it is for your consolation and salvation, which is effective for enduring the same sufferings which we also suffer. Or if we are comforted, it is for your consolation and salvation”. 2Corinthians 1:3-6
In the twenty years we’ve been doing this ministry, I’ve noticed some trends in the way people view the very personal, fiery trial of divorce… And I’ve come to believe that; in order to view this trial correctly; it must be viewed in the light of God’s eternal purpose for both of the parties involved… And I believe that earthly pain is designed by God to fulfill an eternal purpose in the life of a believer…
I believe it is a gift that God wants to place in the vault of your life, to be held in reserve; that it might gain interest and value, as you digest it and make it personal; so you might spend it later in eternal influence in the life of someone else…
Forgive me, but I’m not sure I’m not…
But that is really the purpose of this discussion…
or if you are allowing the decisions of another person to derail your Godly future in any way; please hear from my heart… It is time for you to stop! Because, if someone else, in the midst of your trial, is choosing not to view this trial correctly; chances are, this trial is not for them… Chances are, this trial might be for you!!!
And I still believe that God has set you apart for something special…
And I believe you can have it, if you want it bad enough to remain set apart long enough to get hold of it… My plea for you, and the reason we continue to do what we do; is that you DO want that…
I believe that God has a specific plan for every bit of eternal currency He hands out in the disguise of an impossible trial… And I believe it is a shame to disinvest it; or to not hold on to it long enough for it to mature to its full value… I know all of this is a difficult concept…
And I believe it is borne out in the scripture above…
But, if you’re not willing to accept it in the way I presented it, consider this…
Neither of you can go back and make your marriage good again…
That door has been closed…
So, all that either of you have is the future.
And you and your ex must live that future as separate individuals before God…
And you can view this trial as a curse from hell; or you can view it as a gift, wrapped in a bad circumstance; to allow you to have very intimate access; with your tears and your brokenness; to a part of the loving, merciful heart of a holy God; that not everyone has access to…
And if neither one of you is willing to do anything with that loving access because both of you are too worried or preoccupied with what the other one is doing… Then all of this hurt, and all of this pain, and all of this tragedy; will be wasted… And that; dear one; would be a crying shame!
So, please… Stop soothing the pain with outside influence; and allow the Lord Jesus to make the investment in you; regardless of what anyone else does. Because, this trial may not be for them; this trial might be God’s gift to you; for you to let 1 Corinthians 3 work in you, to gain the truth, knowledge and insight to be a comfort and an example for the ones coming along behind you. That truth won’t come easy… And it won’t happen overnight… But it’s pure heavenly gold, and it’s worth getting hold of…
As always,thanks for reading. And please leave your comments…
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I’m reading “The Sacred Romance” by Brent Curtis and John Eldredge
for the second time now, and a section has brought me to tears… Again.
See, we all want to be special to someone… We all want to be someone’s hero…
We all remember, in school, how desperately we wanted to be good at something…
We remember how desperately we wanted to be one of the “chosen ones”…
We wanted to be picked for the good team when we “chose up sides”…
And we wanted to be chosen first; instead of last…
When we saw the “Cool kids” in the cafeteria sitting at their own table, we wanted to join them…
And we wanted them to want us there… But, we knew if we were to approach those kids at that table;
they would surely say, “No, we’re saving that seat for someone else”…
So we sat by ourselves… Or we sat with others, in quiet solitude…
When we got married; we just wanted to love and be loved... And it didn’t work… And we didn’t fit…
And we became stained with the feeling that we would never measure up;
that we’d never make the grade; and that we’d never really fit anywhere…
And many of us have carried those feelings of emptiness and rejection into our relationship with Christ…
So we don’t anticipate heaven… And we don’t long to be there, because:
We don’t feel accepted here, so we assume we won’t be accepted there…
We don’t belong here, so we assume we won’t belong there…
We don’t fit here, so we assume we won’t fit there…
So we have lost our anticipation of heaven…
And without an anticipation of the end… Without an anticipation of heaven…
This life on earth becomes the Bataan death march…
But that just isn’t true…
See, God spent 7 days creating this planet earth, and this place is okay…
But God has spent from eternity past, until now; building heaven…
He’s been building heaven for Him… As his home… But He’s also been building it as our home…
Because we are His bride…
And no-one is more acceptable, or accepted to the groom; than His bride…
When we became Christians, God gave us his name… And He gave us his love…
And the Lord Jesus is preparing for us, a wedding feast…
And the wedding feast is the most intimate gathering there is, anywhere…
The Bible says; Jesus is eagerly anticipating our arrival there… In heaven…
And when we get to heaven; I believe Jesus will personally greet us with absolute love and acceptance… And He will personally lead us directly to; and He will personally seat us at;
our personal place at the table… The place He has been preparing for us since before there was time…
And we will be special in heaven, forever… And we will belong there, forever…
And we will fit there, forever…
So, when we don’t fit here; and we never do… That’s okay… We weren’t designed to fit here…
But we do fit there… We do fit in heaven… Because that’s our home…
As always, we welcome your comments, questions, complaints and prayer requests.
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So he answered and said to me: "This is the Word of the LORD to Zerubbabel: “Not by might nor by power, but by My Spirit,' Says the LORD of hosts... Who are you, O great mountain? Before Zerubbabel you shall become a plain! The hands of Zerubbabel have laid the foundation of this temple; His hands shall also finish it. Then you will know That the LORD of hosts has sent Me to you. For who has despised the day of small things? For these seven rejoice to see the plumb line in the hand of Zerubbabel. They are the eyes of the LORD, Which scan to and fro throughout the whole earth." Zecariah 4:6-10
Many of us battle with discouragement over the hand that life has dealt us… I’m facing a discouraging season in my own life… And I sometimes think of God’s command to Zerubbabel that he not “Despise the day of small things”… See, Zerubbabel (Pronounced Zur-rubb-a-bul) was not dealt a great hand in life, either; but he still had to play it the best he could… In this story, God has just given Zerubbabel a HUGE job to do… Zerubbabel was heir to the throne of King David, but he was in captivity in Babylon; and King Cyrus has just sent him back to Jerusalem to clear away the rubble, and to rebuild the temple of the Lord… (This is the temple Nebuchadnezzar had completely torn down many years before)…
So God is now saying: “Look, Zerrubbabel; this is a big job… And it’s going to take you a long time to complete it… (It took 20 years to rebuild the temple)… And God knew that Zerrubbabel would spend every day, for many years, just removing one rock at a time, as he cleared away the “Great Mountain” of rubble, just to create “A plain”; or a flat spot for the new temple to be built upon…
And God knew that Zerubbabel would get discouraged in the process…
Because God knows that the devil of discouragement is in the day to day living of life…
And that’s the way it is with us… See, God knows we love a building project!
We would love it if God would start right away after our downfall; giving us great new stuff…
And building great new stuff in us…
But God also knows; that before He can build something fresh in us, He first has to clear away the rubble of our past lives. Like our old habits; old relationships; old bitternesses, old allegiences etc, etc…
And that can be slow and tedious work… But, you see; God is not in a hurry with us!..
In the New Testament; we are the temple of the Lord; and God wants us to be built perfectly…
And He wants the ground to be cleared and prepared just the way He wants it; before He ever starts building again… Bur Zerrubbabel was probably a lot like us, and he probably said to God;
So God spoke to Zerubbabel; right up front, and said “This is MY project; and I will do it MY way!.. And…
1. I won’t do it by power and might; I will do it by My Spirit…
2. And I will do it over the long term; by teaching you not to despise the days of small things…
So, a devilish combination of events has turned our lives to rubble… And God is saying to us;
“Look, I am going rebuild your life; and it will be awesome…
And I know I could fix everything for you; by my power and might; in a matter of minutes…
I could get you a new house and a new mate…
I could fix your kids; I could fix, or remove your former spouse...
I could give you great financial blessing, etc..
But that’s not how I’m going to do it!
I’m going to accomplish My plan in your life by My Spirit instead… And this is how… I’m going to clear away the rubble first; one rock at a time… And, in the process, I’m going to teach you to stay in my Spirit in the midst of the trial; and I’m going to teach you to not, "despise the days of small things"…
So, that’s the message… If you feel like God has dealt you a bad hand; that He’s set you aside, in the middle of nowhere surrounded by a huge pile of rubble and wreckage… Just clear a spot; and determine to make the clear spot bigger every day… That’s what I’m doing; as I wait upon the Lord for His next “Building Project” in me… And I want to allow the Holy Spirit to remove the rubble that’s still lying around from my past… I want to keep writing, and serving people… And I want to be creating a clear spot for the Lord to build something new upon; whenever He wants to… And, if He never does; that’s okay…
I’ll keep the plumb line of truth in my hands and in my life…
And I’ll determine to, “Not despise the day of small things”…
And I hope, in some small way; I’ve encouraged you to do the same… That’s my goal, anyway…
As always, if you have comments, questions, complaints or prayer requests… Just leave them here…
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